i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
