I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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