What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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