Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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