i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
