I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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