I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
