I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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