She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
