hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
