He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
