If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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