You're my little dorito
kristin has been a bad kristin
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
