i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize