apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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