Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
