this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
