I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
