Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize