I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
