Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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