U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
