I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
