You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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