Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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