I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
