she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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