I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
