I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
