She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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