eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
