i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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