You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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