I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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