Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
