We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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