I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
