Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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