So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
