how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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