Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
