I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
