I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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