I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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