he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
