Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
3 2 1 whiskey
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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