So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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