yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
