He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
