let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
