I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize