He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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