Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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