Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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