my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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