My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
