i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Terrible idea I love it
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