if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
