I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
