I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
