She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just pee around me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
