Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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