did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
