Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
