I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
