weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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