in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
