The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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