I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
