I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
