so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
