They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
