My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
