I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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