Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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