I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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