i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
