I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
