Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
