it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
