I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize