i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Your cock deserves a montage
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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