you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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