I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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