Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
