Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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