Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
