I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
