I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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