Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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