OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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