I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
