Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
