Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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