Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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