Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
