it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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