dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
