My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
