Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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