ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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