your thong is hanging out like whoa
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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