My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize