An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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