I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
