i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
