why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
