god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
