he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
