Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
